Monday, April 5, 2010 • Rain, Rain Go Away

Hello, hello!
Wow I have been busy and sometimes so busy that when I have down time I really don't want to do a lot.  Have had a lot more issues going on with my house.  It really is in great shape, but when it was built in 1957 and it is now 2010 even with the improvements the previous owners and I did things like plumbing or having things installed wrong happen.  We think the previous owners either did a lot of the fixings themselves or used someone cheap.  So we are tackling everything with the right people! 

So I still have no master shower, still waiting on what the insurance company says to begin that job.  Can't use the toilet in that bathroom either.  I am using my guest bathroom and there is an issue with the shower handle so for 2 days I couldn't use the shower.  Luckily I have a Bonus Room attached to my garage with a shower.  I should have looked in it the night before, just thought it might be kinda dirty on the floor and I can rinse that out.  Nope!  4 giant, dead water bugs were in the bottom of it and for a moment I thought about going in my backyard, lathering up and just using the water hose.  Did not have time to get all the cleaning products to tackle that job, so I went to Plan B that morning and took hot water from sink and used that in the guest bath shower.  My Dad fixed the shower for now.  And then there is thetoilet which flushes slow in guest bath.  Well the seal on it is cracked.  That has to be fixed.  Then Saturday night my kitchen sink backs up.  I try plunging it, running boiling water and ice down it.  Then this black crud comes up!  Again the wonderful parentals come over Sunday after church while I was at work to check it out.  Dad realizes that the water pipe outside is cracked and the sink is clogged up.  So this morning I call my home warranty company to get these things looked at.  I have used my outside hose to rinse things off and feel like Little House on the Prairie!  But Alex who we use to fix a lot of things is here and put a vent in my garage for better air flow and is working on my guest bath shower as I type!  Waiting on a phone call to have someone look at the other issues!

This week was a draining week emotionally.  It is a long, long story.  And it all just seemed to hit one on top of each other.  And normally those things I can handle and I did with some tears.  But from dealing with stupid people on Wednesday and from finding out things concerning Country-ex from my best friend Monica and one thing from Lee earlier in the week it just hit me way to hard.  Plus my friend Monica is going thru her own issues and she came in town to stay with me 2 nights.  The advice I give her has been and still is given to me.  That advice is never easy to hear but so worth it!  Then one friend I go to for many reasons seems to get way out of hand sometimes with the way I come off and then what he thinks.  Nothing comes across the right way especially in texts.  I finally figured out completely why and what that person means to me which is only friendship, but the level of it and why they are more important because of their friendship I have had with them mostly when I was with Country-ex.  Sorry if it is confusing, but I have to be somewhat discrete since I am dealing with peoples real lives.  I know that I still face anger with Country-ex and blame him for the way I think about guys and what they should offer and give me.  I still cannot imagine that a guy is capable of saying and doing only those things I hear on TV or from friends...just cause it doesn't happen to me.  And the anger and hurt only plays with my mind.  My Mom helped me greatly and I usually never go to her in that state but was just beat down so she helped me late Wednesday night.  She will always tell the truth even if you don't want to hear it, cause you know it's true.  She said I need to stop thinking I am the victim cause I'm not.  See I did things to Country-ex that really did cause the final breakup and why that breakup we could not get back together.  Oh and one thing that really touch my heart this week was to find out that one of Country-ex's best friends discussed with their girlfriend and one of my best friends that they did not blame me for the final breakup.  And I spoke to them on Monday to thank them.  They said the exact same thing I was told...when Country-ex was always more worried about where is he going to go off to this weekend and where is he going to play golf that weekend and really never there for me and did not seem to get what a relationship is about for two people how could I not do or think what I thought when it came to us.  This person saw so much more even though they did not live in the same state and only saw us maybe once a month if even that. 

But sometimes every week or month is a struggle.  And I guess I am still shocked as to the toll it has taken on me.  So with every sad feeling and then milestone I have to go through is needed and only helps me.  Just wish it happened sooner!  My great friend Nima who will tell you like it is said I dwell on him too much and still talk about him too much when discussing my life.  And I know I do.  It's that the things in the past also have to do with him, stories, etc.  But no more.  I talk about my life and with me just in it.  Baby steps, but I have to get there.  Ok I'm gonna go try to ride and hope it doesn't rain.  Talk to ya later!